Sunday Snippet: Living with Scars

Wow, January is almost over and it's been a month. I'm cautiously optimistic the year will get better and crossing my fingers to be on the safe side.

Had a semi-busy week with work and I'm still on my cleaning spree. I did get some television watched. Started with another arc of Classic Who and watched the four-part Pyramids of Mars. Will probably get another arc in this week.

Started the next two episodes of Silent Witness. Oddly enough, it featured a horse race and I just finished editing a book about a thoroughbred dynasty so I understood a lot of the jargon.

Also started a new episode of Blue Heelers. There's another new cast member and I'll reserve judgment on whether I like her or not.

As usual, I caught a bunch of the Ovation mysteries and some classic Perry Mason. I also caught a marathon of Hawaii Five-0. I might be somewhat over the loss of Chin and Kono and ready to watch the final seasons. We'll see.

That's pretty much it for television. Tonight's post is from Living with Scars, a novella that got a start with a writing community prompt.

Here's the mini-blurb:

Britta Dane, a woman who avoids entanglements, lets Yale Sullivan get a little too close. But when she finds a way to put some distance between them, she lands behind enemy lines. When she finally returns, a little broken and torn up with guilt, she has to find a way to get her brand of normal back.

And a sneaky peek…

Shit. He would ask the question, wouldn't he? The urge to run hit Britta hard, but she resisted … barely. She might as well answer … with truth. Even if the thought terrified her, she didn't have much left to lose.

She sucked in a deep breath and jumped in. "Because you scare me. No, we, scares me." She paused, tilting her head to the side. "At least it did."

Yale lifted a brow. "Not anymore?"

She almost wanted to hug him for not just going with her and only asking a simple question.

One she could kinda answer. "Not as much." In her usual roundabout way.

Yale pressed, but only lightly. "What changed?"

She sighed and stayed quiet for a minute, trying to form her reply. "The whole time I was gone you were there. In my head. At first I tried to ignore you. But that didn't work." She shot him a narrow-eyed look. "You can be very loud and obnoxious, even in my imagination."

He snorted but didn't respond.

She worried her lower lip. The next part could make or break how they continued forward. But she wouldn't hold anything else back.

She glanced away then forced herself to look him in the eye. "Then I tried to drive you out by using Shep." She didn't have to give the details. Yale knew her extremely well.

He didn't react. Okay, his jaw clenched, but he didn't say anything. And why would he? He had every right to shut down on her before completely losing it. She'd just proven his point that she used sex to run away or attempt to make everything okay.

Well, the joke ended up being on her.

She lowered her gaze, staring at her hands, twisting her lap. Because it didn't work. Never did. She sorta got that now.

She waited for the explosion. When Yale didn't get up and stalk out with a well-deserved 'Told you so', she decided to continue.

Raising her gaze to his, she shrugged. "As you already know, the deal with Shep didn't turn out well."

Yale leaned forward. "Wait. Are you saying he was the one—" He broke off, unable to give voice to his suspicion.

Britta didn't have that problem. "Who turned me over to the enemy because we had a less than stellar tumble in the sack?" She shrugged again. "You betcha. But who knows? Maybe he tried to use me the way I used him." She left out the part where she called out Yale's name in the throes of passion. "Would serve me right if he did."

Yale snarled. "Stop it. Right now." He shook his head. "You didn't dump him outside an enemy outpost and leave him for dead. He had to know what they'd do to you."

"Maybe." She got up. "But you called it. You warned me that playing fast and loose with someone's feelings would bite me in the ass." She turned back toward him. "You were right." She crossed the office, feeling caged up … like she always did when she had to talk about that period of time.

Yale got up and chased her down. "And what? You think that makes me happy?" He grabbed her arm. "Christ, Britta. Nothing could be further from the truth." He let go of her. "So it's on me then? You're off the rails and it's my fault?" He stalked back toward the couch, clearly pissed off.

Which, honestly, confused the hell out of her. "What?" She followed him across the room. "No." How did he come up with she blamed him?

He flung a hand out. "So the crazy stunts, binge drinking, and utter lack of giving a shit about yourself is what? Jolly fun times?"

Britta sat back down. "I don't know what it is. I really don't."

"You gotta figure it out, Britt. Find a way to get okay."

She frowned. "Why? So I can go out there and fight with a clear head? Not gonna happen. Besides, I don't need a clear head to pull the trigger."

Yale sighed. "You're so wrong. But I'm done trying to convince you. You wanna kill yourself, nothing I can do about it. But I won't let you be responsible for killing someone else. You're grounded until you work this shit out."

She jumped up, ready to battle. "You son of a bitch." Quickly realized he wouldn't budge. "Fine. I'll get a transfer to a ground unit. I'm sure they can use the help."

"You can try. But I don't think the XO is gonna be so willing to sign off on your request this time. Even he sees the damage you're doing."

She paced back and forth. "You think you can do this? Because you think I have a problem." She tilted her head sideways. "Or does this all boil down to the fact we didn't have mind-blowing sex like you thought we would?" She gave him a nasty look. "It'll never happen now."

Yale's lips twisted. "I know." He crossed his arms over his chest. "And the fact you think it makes a difference speaks volumes about how twisted up you are." He leveled his gaze on her. "I'm not that guy, Britt. I never will be."

She opened her mouth but nothing came out. What the hell could she say? She actually already knew he'd never be that guy. And she sucked major balls for implying differently.

Yale gave her a look full of disappointment. "You're dismissed. See the chief on your way out. He'll put you on the schedule for maintenance shifts." He added quietly. "Quit the drinking, make the morning briefings, and I'll get you back on rotation."

Britta nodded and slowly made her way to the hatch. She had a lot to think about.

This story is all over the place but it's finally starting to come together. The sages like to deliver ideas in small bits but I'm having fun with the pieces.

 

That's it for this week. Catch everyone on the flipside.

ML Skye